Sometimes i think life has been so cure on me and i have been getting or learning hard lessons at a younger age than what i think . i feel like as if life is giving me lessons in a harsh way ! that what i think until i start scrolling in social media and see or read those depressing news from different part of the world, this sometimes make me think about how silly are my problems compared to others and it remind me to remain thankful and grateful instead of having a face similar to a grumpy cat !

in this hurtful journey, day after day i realize that family is the strongest bond someone could have on earth, if that bond get broken, nothing can substitute that, and forever !

it scare me to death to split those words out without thinking but i feel like i need to talk, i do not know how or to whom i need to tell that part of the story. but sometimes it is good to keep things hidden or buried within us. those secrets that we never feel brave to share them with anybody or never have the courage to tell them to anyone.

when i was 16, i never thought that my over excitement to go somewhere else and live there permanently could be a reason to a current sadness, i remember sitting in front of the tv and thinking, am I really going to travel there and start a new life ?! as a dream that i thought it will never happen … almost 17 years later, i cannot imagine myself being accessible to everyone’s smartphone or be more like an entertaining content ! it is hurtful how i used not to take people’s words seriously and act accordingly, instead i chose to ignore everything and act along as if there is nothing because i felt helpless … i thought my good actions toward them will make them have some mercy or even understanding toward me.

i broke down many times alone in bed midnights and cried non stop from my trauma, those moments at the beginning are not erasable and no Therapy will help me ever in getting over them. No, they did not go through worse situations than mine, they lived their lives away from the eye’s of others, they were Happy!

deciding to abandon your own daughter just because you thought a good chance is for her on the way or trying to act in a controllable way or even taking a side of your other married daughters because they are in a more powerful position is just very bad … i did nothing harmful to you and wished you always good and took care of you many times when everyone around you was gossiping and hateful !

sometimes when i sit alone and miss somebody whom used to act kind to me make me feel so bad about how i do not miss you at all because i have no good memories or Kind reminders from you!

i then realize how this strong bond was broken a long time ago and the realization of the wrong actions committed among this “supposed to be a secure bond” make me even think how many terrible people could be also outside there without control or even boundaries .

Family is the blessing, it is the strongest wall someone could lean on in their hardest moments, the teddy bear for that small Kid to cuddle with every night, that bond of “Honesty” and “protection” and “trust” is the only bond of a healthy “Family” , everything else lies outside this is just “lies” …. and once this bond is broken, I wish life will be able to treat you gently and i hope you can find a smooth recovery in building “trustful” relationships again …

Zainab

06.06.2024

Munich