That main purpose of Food might be simply just an essential need to survive. Or at least that how it is for Animals ! and Since Humans are “supposed” to be the most developed creatures on Earth, food of course has different significances not only among cultures, but also among people and different individuals. This experience can range from exotic , unique to just a routine, spiritual or even Bad. Some might have the choice to pick up what goes down along their digestive system!. Some might just want to spoil their taste buds with all what they crave for, and others might gulp whatever on the way, because simply, for them it might be just a need or it might goes even deeper beyond that ! And off course some might not have even a choice in that !

We are what eat, I have been reading, listening to this sentence non stop since i was a teenage!. For me, and controversially to what mentioned above, food was not an experience rather than an essential need to survive, that how i were taught about it! I cannot remember how i was fed in my childhood, but the vivid memory from my Grade one class in the primary school was not very pleasant. With that, i mean i was not introduced properly to a healthy way of eating, not intentionally, but simply because no one around have that knowledge, some of them maybe had a better self control, they were in a better shape, for me, it was another Story ! At that time, food was given to me, as for many others i think, from the care givers, which mainly they are the parents or in particular “The mother”, Older sisters played at certain times that role, so i was fed also from them. I grew up through the years having the same food and eating habits, unconsciously, there was something wrong, very wrong, and young me could not analyze what was it! I had always this urge to eat despite it was not meal time. I snacked non stop and was at certain times eating huge amounts of even not tasty things … unconsciously and not a ware of it, this had left me with many issues and weight inconsistencies since childhood. Every summer i was trying so hard to get fit, just to ruin it up again in the winter. It was all good and under control, till my early 20s, it went uncontrollable, so bad i became more depressed and could not make my eating habits any better, instead, i was confronting myself with even more quantities of unhealthy food to get over my stress, emotional needs, disappointments etc.

The long term results were not very optimal ! , those few minutes of pleasure went extremely uncontrolled! , I do not know what i am supposed to do about it ! , i was terrified , at certain times i woke up even mid nights like someone went through a severe PTSD and stared around me for few minutes thinking if it was real, real that i am almost 45 to 50 Kg more than what i am supposed to be ! I tried everything, all the things someone could try as a weight lose methods, my studies were hard, and that was also a huge contributing factor!

Glimpses from my past bring to me many memories, if there is a way i can describe it accurately, how i experienced being over weight , it was more like having a big trash bin (the stomach), where you throw everything in it, those things needed to be recycled (digested), many end products are produced, some of them might cover the basics of the body needs (essential elements) ,the others, despite being healthy or not,needed to find their way either in the Body or to the outside! those extra Carbs for example goes sadly not outside of the body as many of us wish,or as how some of the extra vitamins and minerals do, but they get stored there, in the viscera (mainly)! , imagine the brain as the boss of those invisible workers inside of you (the organs) , the brain is working extra hard with those eating habits to keep stimulating those poor organs to do a double work and finish this extra recycling, the biological watch is simply violated! With time, not only your brain is getting tired, and you feel depressed or having a less self esteem,the organs also are getting more exhausted, very exhausted not only because of the non stop work they do, but also because now they are more pressured ! The External expansion is easy to observe: I look overweight, yet, internally, it might be even worse ! Pre diabetes, mild liver cirrhosis, inflammation of the joints, High blood pressure, and the list goes non stop !

I wanted to do it more for the external results honestly, my boss (the brain) seemed to be very sensitive,i did not feel very well mentally, not to mentioned what kind of mobbing the obesity might bring with ! Shopping was a huge issue, as my size was not available everywhere, I wanted to dress casually, the options were difficult. It was like a non stop battle, i could not see myself without food as it was the more enjoyable thing in life for me, and the only thing to run to when i felt stressed or overwhelmed, yes , it was not anymore an essential need to survive, i eat when i am happy, when i am sad, when i am excited, when i am depressed! I reward myself with food, when i achieve something, when i finish a task … etc, it became inseparable part of me and i enjoyed it as much as i can despite what it was! , that went uncontrolled and the more i do it unconsciously, the more i expand externally, and unseen, internally also !

Almost 10 years later, I am in a much happier place than how i used to be back then, the road was not easy, yet doable, as what i chose sounded more like: instead of climbing the mountain to get on the top of it, just take the Teleferik !

I felt amazing afterward, after my GS surgery, no apnea after taking few stairs, and i do not look hypoxic , people do not need to check on me if everything was okay, I am okay, i know now how to take care of myself, it was not like having a serious diseases, rather than, with time i realized i need to do it also for the sake of saving my organs, and it was the correct decision to do back then!

You are what you eat … I honestly could not hear more accurate description about something like this sentence … you, at the end, are just the results of what you eat! Those small daily decisions can leave a huge impact on the long term, we feed not only our bodies, but also our souls .. ! you are the result of what you feed your brain on daily basis! All those involuntary reactions are a sum up of what you have been feeding your brain unconsciously, this goes also to what you read, what you listen to, and even whom you spent time with… ! , you are who you spend time with the most, your parents, your family or even your spouse ! , you, as much as you think you have your own unique identity as a person, you unconsciously get influenced by the people you choose to hang up with, or even the ones you choose as life partners & vise versa. This might not sound sane to many, but for some, like me, this was what i experienced … I am not making my best when it comes to take my own decisions in picking up what i should eat for example, yet i am know aware of how all of this work for me, and i am honestly looking forward to make the best of it …

Zainab

07.04.24

München