Daddy Long Legs

when I started reading at my 20’s, I was not sure about which books i should pick from between all those Colors, sizes, different languages, interesting books on the shelves of the Bookstores. Reading was not a hobby of mine during my childhood. Where i was born, there were no bookstores, or small shops to get books, neither there was internet to get access to books online. It was difficult and the only available materials to read at home were newspapers, magazines, and some very old collected or gifted religious books.somehow, there were many 80‘s collected stuff, old magazines, children books, vintage items etc. Till mid of 2000‘s, we were stuck with that old vintage style from the 80‘s, the beginning of the 90‘s. Everything in the house was belonging to that era.we did not want to change it, never thought about changing it and never had it in mind, just like how we never had in mind that somewhere in the future we might travel so far away and leave everything behind…Wait! Why do i use ‚we‘ when it is ‚I‘ …

I grew up in a financial stable family,I used to be always dressed well and modern, golden Jewelleries was collected for me since childhood. In Iraq, just like in another similar Asian and some African cultures, Gold is inseperatable from Women, and giving it for children is a sign of being wealthy and rich. Off course my family had at certain times financial difficulties, but we never had a major financial troubles or crisis. The only crisis we had, was beyound Money, it was when my dad died due to insufficient medical treatment and the misdiagnosis of his illness .

Having a glimpse of the past, I realised, as much as someone’s work hard, being wealthy or rich, there will be always things that Money cannot buy. It is a simple logic. My dad spent his entire life working. In cold winter and extremely hot summer days. He grew up neglecting his Health, he made a big wealth though. But when he was so sick, it was too late to go somewhere else and seek a good medical treatment. Not only because he at that time had financial struggles and i still do not understand why he or anyone around him not decided to sell some of his properties to provide him with some money to get a medical treatment, But also because it was so difficult at that time to issue visas or passport to get outside Iraq. There was a huge corruption there, still though. And as much as someone is having many connections and relationships, it takes always time and the more you pay, the quicker you get the service to be done…..

Back to Books,My first book was so random, i did not know what i wanted to read or why, but i felt jealous because one of my friends used to bring her novels with her at Uni. At that time i felt like i want also to read, she is not better than me, why the hell she is walking around with her books and keep telling me about it. She definitely wanted me to feel less about myself as if i am not enough educated or so, i was boiling from the inside every time she used to mention a new book, novel etc. not only because i did not know what she was talking about, but i know if i get some romantic novels at home or some books, i will be questioned a lot and i will get too much unnecessary „Quatsch“. Not to mention dental school is very difficult to have time and read. One day though i realised, all my feelings and thoughts were wrong…. At my 20th or 21th birthday , i got a present from her, my friend, and Suprise : it was a book … the poor girl thought i was reading too much, because that was what i shared with her, to satisfy my inner feelings and jealously and not to feel less about myself.And she thought: well, nothing is better to pick for her as a Birthday gift rather than a book …

I am not a big fan of twilight, so i never read that Book anyways, but it gave me some motivation to start discovering hidden and unusual things.I started by collecting small novels based on Movies or cartoons i have seen, Daddy long legs, little princess, I capture the castle etc.,btw, talking about the unusual, when you grow up in a strickt family, you are raised up with certain and specific rules, you do what you are told to do, you accept only what you get from your parents, you are not able to express your thoughts or deas, so reading at that time was unusual, just like when i got told once why do i drink coffee a lot when we should only drink Iraqi tea…!!! So you are not allowed to tell the eldery what they did was wrong, immoral, or incorrect because they are older, and somehow they are supposed to have more experience than you, even if the whole universe scream : THEY ARE WRONG. And even if every average human way of thinking would assume it is incorrect or wrong.when you grow up among such toxicity, you always assume, all the decisions they take is absolutely correct and you only need to follow. You grow up adapting yourself to satisfy them, like worshiping them, you need their approval for every step on the way, You grow up being blinded and cuffed, blinded because you have never seen those beautiful aspects of the world where you could have seen it earlier.and cuffed because it takes a lot of bravery to break those chains and rules. you definitely need to lose sth on the way of liberating yourself, i am not sure if you have the choice to choose what you want to lose, but i can assure you, whatever you lose, is nothing compared to liberating yourself by losing “Them” ….

Zainab

13.01.2024

Munich