Dear Mr.XY

You told me to keep writing, so here is my new „Letter“ to you !

I am not fond of my oversharing ! I know, i have people behind who are reading and might even making fun or jokes about my letters ! Yes, Sadly ! People there are more retarded than the ones from the stone ages ! Sorry, I take that back, just go out and take a look at all those Naracissts in the streets, the cheapest and easiest thing to do is degrading someone or make them feel “Cheap” or “Lose”

Dear Mr.XY,

I feel like i need to share those infos with you, I am not sure though how important are they for you to know about them but i feel like i should !

•You sent me an Email with endless Open possibilities , this is sick ! , I hope people will stop Analyzing my spontanious words and actions, if i sit spontaneously on a chair during an interview stimulation in coaching course that means just because i am extra nervous and not like as if i will be a boss !, if i send a random and spontaneous text saying “after my first year i felt some difficulties” does not mean behind this simple sentence lies a hidden meaning ! If i Say number 8 is my favorite, which is not, does not mean it is linked to someone that i used to like or i had a relationship with or a good person etc., this is all is just an illusion … illusion … i could play with my words so good to make you have endless possibilities, as you mentioned 1 out of 1000 other possibilities without knowing what could be correct or wrong !, that is just illusion, i could change all of that by taking one simple decision without regret, i know my options and it is my decision … what i wanted to tell you here, I find sending many emails to you very embarrassing honestly, i imagine it as if sending texts to someone and all his family,friends,clients could also read this ! It sound very embarrassing, i am trying to practice having Self control !   

•👍🏼, I am not sure what has this to do with me ! I find myself very innocent to go through this, i need to tell my part of the story about this in details! Gladly i am resuming with Dr.Bender on Tuesday, I am not sure how we will cont. i might be back to you if i will be able to offer your 10 sessions again since your last email was very open with possibilities and misunderstandings … I hope it will work !

•Setting boundaries! I have been thinking about the part of me not putting boundaries , saying No or taking actions in distressing situations ! You told me about that when i told you about that situation with the man getting close. I think it is mostly because i reached out many times asking for help and even took extrem and risky decisions at certain points, my needs were always neglected or not considered, they, all were resuming though their life Normally despite what i have been going through, i went through extrem abandonment since 2020, Threats, physical abuse, distortion of reputation ! There is no single reason available to make me look forward to wait for someone, or in particular him ! That person who you know ! to grab me out of my problems ! honestly if i have the choice to meet someone as soon as possible,  i will definitely marry or engage to someone outside of my culture without regret! 

• last part, You! I am 33 Yo, i am not sure about how old are you, i can assume around my age ! We are both adults and i do not want to sound so immature by sending many emails or overshare ! Those are being read world wide ! I post some of my Emails to you on My personal Blog in WordPress, and i told you many times i feel like over sharing per emails is really very disturbing to me! You are though the first person i contacted in 2021 after i arrived to Munich, and i know you since almost 2 years or more ! I sometimes overshare with the expectation of your job make you understands people’s urgencies or distressful situations ! I do not want it to sound immature as if i texted someone with i love them without knowing them because i did not do that and i text sometimes with more and more mistakes because of my language ! I hope i wrote this correct enough for you to understand what i am talking about without causing more misunderstandings !

That was indeed the longest email i wrote you till now ! 

Looking forward to hear from you soon … or not ?! 

Zainab

16.03.2024

München