Solo Adventures 💌

Sophie was such a hard worker, she used to spend days and endless nights working so hard on certain projects, duties given to her during her studies or work. When she take part in sth, she make sure to do her part very correctly and accurately. she never ask for help because she thinks she is capable of achieving everything alone , she used to motivate herself by herself and always thought : ONLY THE SKIES ARE THE LIMIT.

Sophie was a wild and andventionurs, she is also a strong believer, those believes gave her always hope during the darkest days. She has her own unique way of thinking, she thought, intentions are much way more important than your actual deeds. She is very tolerant toward people, honest , she has a very straightforward and direct character, she is very brave.

Sophie was a solo traveller and explorer, just like Dora. But she used not to speak about those solo adventures to everyone, she used to share her secrets with small circle of people around her, few friends, and mainly, her Mom!

Sophie rarely share with people intimately, she has difficulties in expressing her emotions or being herself. When she fall in love, she act just like a baby, she keeps giggling and her cheeks turn rosy red everytime she sees someone she has a crush on. Sophie did not share a lot but i knew that i am the closest friend to her, no one knows Sophie as much as I know her, myself.

Sophie used to spend a lot of time alone , so she became a deep thinker and she figured her own, to others weird, ways of entertaining herself.

she used to drive more than 20 KM alone not only because she like driving, but it used to give her a good feelings, she was so hyper and positive. She sing, dance, but also she has a dark side and a history of depression and despair, she was not sure about if what she was doing was okay, correct , or acceptable. She did not trust anyone around her, which gave her hard times in taking decisions and having a stable or normal life like normal girls in her age. Sophie suffered hardly on illusions and paranoia in 2019 till late 2021where she started to recover slowly. She was thinking the whole world evolving around her. She used to believe everything is written, said is mainly, about her … it was hard for Sophie to standup after those times, it was hard for her to process that all these reactions to randomly written tweets or instagram posts were not about her. It took Sophie too much time and she at certain times asked for help to standup again and move on.

nevertheless , she kept reminding her self how brave is she, although all of her decisions at that time were based on her PTDS. She took decisions because she simply was extremely traumatised. People response to traumas in different ways, some of them could go through severe depression, other through denial, which what i think Sophie actually went through, she was in state of shock and denial and her traumas gave her extra power to push her self and take extreme and random decisions.

Sophie never used to be so wild, she told her mom always about the smallest things she used to do, where she goes and where she is and what does she do.

she used to be a solo traveller, and enjoyed too many adventures alone by herself. She used to treat herself with those small adventures, for being such a hard worker, and for going through all of this alone.

Sophie sits now in a Cafe and stares randomly at people, I know her, she ran out of words and she is drained and she wonders : what those people are speaking about, what do they do ,how do they think, and what motivate them in life. Sophie stares now into the space, but I know her , Sophie needs a bit of time alone to gather herself, she will standup then and walk out, Sophie need help, she worries me a lot , but wait, here she goes again, grabbing her book and diving in it again. I cannot understand this girl, she keeps me wondering and wondering, it seems like as if Sophie has too much to tell and share, maybe i should invite her to write here as well… she remind me of myself sometimes, when i feel hurt or sad, i just keep quite, and do not want to share my issues with anyone, i do not know how to defend myself or take actions to her. And now i know, Sophie hurt and sad but she does not know what to do about it.

Dear Sophie, you are sitting just opposite to me with my iPad screen being the only barrier between us, you might read my thoughts now and feelings, just as much as i am good in reading yours . I do not know honestly what i should tell you, i feel like there are no words left in the world to be said and to express my misery toward you.I want you to know that you are lonely and that is a fact, you cannot deny facts and you need to take actions for them. Dear Sophie, i believe the only one who can break your chains of thoughts is you, you should stand up asap and believe in yourself and insist. Dear Sophie, i am giving you a hard lesson for free, the world will not stop on your misery or feelings of being hopeless, just like it did not stop when many people are gone, when we thought they will always be there or here for us. Dear Sophie, learn to Love, not only yourself but those who your heart might beat for. Dear Sophie, i know it is hard for you to accept what you feel, but you need to be easy on yourself and think it is okay to feel shame and it is just a part of your growth. Dear Sophie, the world is not easy, never going to be, neither it was. There are too much injustice, and that how it was, used to be. I Know, you have always good deeds and it hurt you to think that your good deeds are not appreciated, just keep in mind, i am here for you as much as i am here for myself when i feel the lowest . Dear Sophie, stay always pure, kind hearted and positive, stay always healthy and more important , stay “Safe” !

14.01.2024

München

Zainab