A Glimpse of my Mind

In a busy world full of endless duties, where the pursuit of perfectionism and satisfaction through work, education, settlements, love life, etc., are inseparable parts of it, we live while neglecting the small world in our minds. That heaven, or hell! The small world that impacts our reality, the driving force behind our daily small decisions. That hidden, invisible place inside of us that leads us unconsciously in our daily lives.

we get so busy, looking after what we eat, how we dress, where we live,how much we earn,but yet: not how we think!

We live so disconnected from our inner thoughts, from that place where we should take care of the most.

In the last few years, and after a few real-life traumatic experiences, I started spending much time by myself, connecting to my mind and thoughts. I spent and still spend long hours overthinking, for example, reflecting on my actions in real life and analyzing them. I then discovered a wonderful hidden world, a world that exists inside every one of us. It was so invisible, then it became blurry, then: an inseparable part of me!

In this world, were there are at certain days green fields and gardens, there were also other days with so much fogg and greyness…

Being an introvert is not a bad thing , but there are times when we would love to share this world with someone, to play with them in those green fields, to take their hands and run together toward the unknown. Or just lean on their shoulders and cry in those cold days with heavy clouds, when we cannot have a glimpse of the outside, in those days when we cannot wipe that steam on the windows of our small rooms of thoughts, and we just need someone’s hands or sleeves to do it for us.

in this small and simple blog you will have a glimpse of my mind. A glimpse Of that small world trapped inside everyone of us, but here, mine in particular. I fond writing since childhood. I used to complain about that part of the language’s exams, whether Arabic, English or Deutsch, where we should spontaneously write about different topics. but here i am, creating a blog to share my thoughts, special life events or stories, lessons, recommendations and various things. Sharing it with another small world lies behind the screen, with you !

I started learning English in high school , then i started improving it During my Dental studies.Hense there might be some small grammatical mistakes here but thanks to AI, and to avoid any confusion to be caused by insufficient expression of ideas or thoughts due to repetitive vocabularies or small grammatical mistakes,i will try to correct most of them.

10 years ago and at the age of 23 i started developing my hobby of being a photographer. I like genuineness and authenticity, and rarely like quoting things from books, other journals, or using photos from the internet. Therefore, all the contents created here are original, created and will be created exclusively by me. Copyrights in case of using other’s contents will always be mentioned, and so : their Names …

I write, because in this small space i feel uncensored or controlled, i feel listened and cared of. when i write something, it is like letting a waterfall of suppressed emotions to be flown, it is like that awaited goal in the last 1 minute of the game, the first arrow that hit the center of the board in the archery game…

Drawing is a still developing hobby of mine, i enjoy it sometimes as much as i enjoy writing, it reflect some of my thoughts as well. Btw, do you know that the Name Zainab, which is very popular in many Middle Eastern and Asian countries like Iraq, Iran,Turkey, Pakistan and many other Arab countries , means a big and beautiful tree ? But most of the people, as in my case, get this name because it is correlated with historical, religious and famous Arab females. I grew up not fonding my Name, I used to give myself an imaginary names , and somehow liking the name Sophie, or Sophia, the first name of my first ,almost human size at that time ,the one who travelled the world with me, and the one i spent my childhood’s nights cuddling with it in my bed,Sophia, my Doll…

Me and Sophia had a wonderful relationship since childhood, it was like Sara and her doll from little princess Novel. We travelled everywhere togeather , we crossed oceans and seas, flew above different continents, from Iraq to Emirates, to Malaysia, and finally to our current and hopefully last destination : Munich in Germany. Sophia now has a grey hair, not because she is possessed if that was your first thought , but because i am stressed and do not have the usual time to wash her hair regularly like i used to do during those corona times and take care of here….nevermind,i take care of my small dolls as if they are my own kids…to avoid any flashbacks to be triggered by looking at Sophia near my bed, and to overcome my PTSD and not to feel so emotional during my PMS, i decided to keep her hidden, and not be revealed, Like a secret that i am not sure if i want to share it or just keep it to myself, just like that, I kept sophia hidden in my luggage. In 2022 during my Dental conversion exams, There were many times when I had,still having those flashbacks from my childhood with Sophia, those childhood’s days spent mostly parenting myself and Sophia, or excessive Studying, i had this flashback once that left me illustrating my thoughts by drawing me, but in my mind it was Sophia, because i liked to have this name, or any other name rather than Zainab, standing next to the meaning of the real name of her , a big beautiful tree, and birds flying everywhere around her, like a protecting angel or a god from the anicient stories, the unknown quote above her though was the perfect description of that moment, an endless description of small actions,thoughts , and even believes. It was this particular moment when I realised i want to use this name in all my imaginary scenarios and fictions texts.yes, I like writing sometimes fictional stories, or real life based stories with some fake names.I will leave it to your imagination and Brain, to think and try to figure , to interact and put that last photos of puzzle in it’s place, between imagination and reality is a very thin line … wether you swam in your reality or imagination, let it be a part of that world of you. I will sleep like a kid waiting of Santa or a tooth fairy, close my eyes and pray : May you and me have a better connection with our thoughts ….. may you and me grow up together having green fields …

11.01.2024

Munich

Zainab